“How can I date when I can’t get a date?” you may be wondering. What if there where ways for you to date while you were getting more comfortable with dating? What if these ways were fun, enjoyable, and confidence building? What if these ways lead to you being more natural, aware, and spontaneous?
Often the issue with dating is this: You are uncomfortable dating; asking people out or being asked out; and going to social events — so you tend not to do these things — then when fate drops a dating circumstance in your lap you are nervous and feel inexperienced — making for an uncomfortable date and for you feeling bad about yourself.
The first step is solving this dating dilemma is to change the expectations you have of dating. Often, unrealistic expectations are held concerning how our partner will look and be how we will act on a date. These expectations come from watching others who seem so natural and comfortable together. For now it is important to have only one expectation: to experience dating. Also, do not get hung up in the term dating — what really is a date? Meeting someone for coffee or tea is a date — even if the date is thirty minutes long.
With no expectations except experience, you can now take every possible opportunity for dating such as:
- personal dating services
- on-line dating services
- personal ads
- singles parties/dances
- blind dates setup by friends
It is amazing what can happen when you are clear about your expectations and intentions and when you let go of self imposed pressure to have a certain kind of dating experience. Dating a variety of people will teach you that:
- people are attracted to you who you are not attracted to
- you are attracted to people who are not attracted to you
- sometimes it feels comfortable meeting someone new
- sometimes it feels awkward meeting someone new
The more you date, the more you will be comfortable dating and the more natural and fun dates will become.
Remember that for now you are not looking for the “right” person for you, you are exploring dating with no expectations or pressure. Every experience is a success!
Get started dating today
If you are comfortable going to singles parties or dances then do so now. If on the other hand you are like many and can’t imagine how you would get a date then join a dating service or place/answer a personal ad.
Dating services can be a wonderful way to gain experience dating. Remaining clear in your intention is critical in order to avoid being manipulated. Dating services often have a variety of plans — from low cost to high. Being businesses, dating services will try to sell you their high priced service saying things like “What is more important that finding the right partner in life?” and “How much do you want to invest in your happiness?”. Since you are clear that what you want is some experience dating — you can be firm and spend the least amount possible. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated! No one can guarantee to find you the right partner so do not be influenced by such claims.
Personal ads (on-line or newspaper) are also a great, inexpensive way to gain some dating experience.
Guidelines when meeting someone new:
- meet in a public place familiar to you
- set a time limit for the meeting (thirty minutes to one hour)
- do your best to have meaningful conversation
- be safe
- have fun
Creating a safe environment is very important when meeting someone new. Until you get to know someone very well, always meet in a public place that is familiar to you. No matter how “nice” they seem, remain in public places and avoid being alone with them because the world is full of wonderful people as well as disturbed ones — so be safe.
If you both decide you would like to see each other again, make a small plan — keep things simple — don’t make grand plans of things you always wanted to do…
If either of you does not feel like seeing the other again, thank the other for the time and realize that it is perfectly normal for people not to be attracted to each other (Principle: Not Everyone was meant to be your Friend or Partner).