How to overcome this uncontrollable urge to make myself disappear by ignoring people?

I’m fortunate enough to have compassionate and understanding friends whom I can talk to, but they won’t be able to understand my situation. Only you people may have a solution.The thing is, like most people here, I’m so dreadfully shy. I’m almost 18 now, and never had a relationship, and I feel like I’m wasting my best years, sitting alone in the dark and writing to myself.

I was fortunate to meet some people from the opposite sex, who were interested in getting to know me better and weren’t shy themselves: they didn’t wait for me to start talking with them, they initialized conversation and first meeting.

The worst case case I experienced is quite recent, and here I want your advice. I met this bright, pretty, funny girl. We started talking by chance (I would NEVER be able to initiate a conversation!) and things were going well. She even came by to my house a few times to get papers for a course we both took and she stayed and we had great conversation. But, since then, since i realized I liked her, my darn chronic shyness makes me ignore her whenever we meet. I avoid eye contact, I pretend as if she’s not there. Does that make any sense? She began to lose interest a while ago, and my last chance is up, since our course finishes in a couple of weeks.

How can overcome this uncontrollable urge to make myself disappear by ignoring people? What can I do about this particular situation?

 

1 Comment

  1. The mind has a way of exaggerating reality. The less we check out things in real life, the more we suffer. First, give yourself credit. The opportunity to meet these friends and girl your are now interested in was created by you. It does not matter who spoke first, you created the friendships by being who you are.

    “My last chance…” are the words of a fearful mind (it is OK to be afraid as long as you know you are afraid). The truth is that this is a first opportunity, not a last chance.

    To understand your need to disappear takes looking at what you are truly afraid of.

    What is your worse fear regarding this girl? What you are protecting yourself from? (these are deep questions which may take time to answer).

    In this particular situation I would try to see this as an opportunity to get to know yourself and someone else a little better. Resist the temptation to make a big deal out of it as this will only make you and the other person uncomfortable. (I know it is hard when you have strong feelings for someone — use the strong feelings to motivate you).

    Check out your thoughts against reality. Does this person want to get to know you better? You could ask them to something casual like lunch. If they do seem to want to get to know you better, exchange phone numbers and addresses.

    Whatever is going on in your mind, check it out against reality. Ask them. Regardless of the response, it is a success because you will be learning to put yourself out there, take chances, and connect with others.

    Honest communication is rarely rejected. The person may not be interested, but they will respect the intention. Friendships often develop out of honest communication.

    You can be shy and have friends, shy and date, shy and happy. Try not to see shyness as an obstacle, but as a reminder of how important it is to connect with others and how much you really want to connect with others. Shyness is letting you know that something is important here – try not to disappear. What would happen if you did not disappear?

    The reward of failure is happiness (sounds odd I know). People who become successful always fail — they know what failure feels, tastes, smells, and looks like. They learn and are motivated by failure instead of being defeated by it because failure is the natural way to learn. Allow yourself to experience failure so that you can experience success.

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