I feel like I’ll never make it through school at the rate I’m going – I will drop out

I spend way too much time on the net. Not a night goes by that I’m in the chat rooms. I feel bad that I waste so much time on the net, but I can’t seem to stay away from it. It’s affected my school quite a bit too. I was taking 2 classes at the beginning of the semester but now I’m only taking 1 because I wasn’t keeping up with my work. That’s not really all because of the net though. I just can’t get myself to sit down and study. I’m constantly distracted. I’m even behind in the 1 class that I have left. For example, tonight I went to the library because I can usually get a little bit done there because there aren’t as many distractions, but I got there and sat for like 30 mins and didn’t get any studying done and I decided to leave. I thought I could do it at home but since I’ve been home I haven’t touched my books. I’ve been online since. The worst thing is I don’t even have a job and I can’t get anything done, nor do I have any kind of social life.

I haven’t gone out of the apartment and done anything for months. I barely talk to anyone outside of my family. I have a friend that comes over maybe once a week and hangs out with me for a little bit but that’s it. I never talk to anyone at school. I go to my one class and sit in the very back and don’t say a word, while just about everyone else in the class seems to get along with each other pretty well. They are always talking to each other before and after class. At least when I was working I would get out of the apartment more and away from the computer, and I would socialize a little bit with some people at work. I do have a job interview tomorrow, so hopefully that goes well. I’m not so sure I’ll like the job though and it won’t take too much out of my time.

Another problem is I sleep too much, and I feel tired even when I’ve slept a lot. I take a pretty long nap everyday, even if I get a good nights sleep. I hate sleeping so much. It seems like I always feel real tired about the time I need to do my school work too.

Sometimes I think I should get rid of the computer, but I think that may just make some things worse than better. The computer helps me cope with my shyness and I would have absolutely nothing to do without it. Plus I have met some really cool people on the net and I would miss them a lot. That would be really depressing for me. I feel like I’ll never make it through school at the rate i’m going. I’ve only been completing 2 classes a semester and this semester only 1. If I can’t handle a full load of classes I’ll never make it. I feel that moving to some place new would be one thing that would help me out a lot. I’ve been living here my whole life and it would be nice to start fresh somewhere else.

10-25-1999

3 Comments

  1. How to make room for studying is one question. I never did figure that out completely — it seemed there was never enough time to study on one hand, and on the other hand, I could never find the time to study(until the last minute before the exam or paper was due). What did help was having a goal, graduating! I sometimes took one extra class so that I could drop the one I did not like or was not doing well in.

    Sleeping a lot could mean you have not found something to be interested in — perhaps adding one fun class to your schedule would give you something to look forward to (or finding an outside activity).

    Moving or going away for a semester or summer is a great idea, it will be hard at first but can do wonders as many people on the Shy and Free site have indicated. Change environment, change self.

    Keep busy — school, work, activities, hobbies — it really helps in so many ways (intellectually, emotionally, socially, and even physically).

  2. I just wanted to reply to your post because I know what you’re going through. What you described was my life, minus the computer. What I found out later is that you have to keep trying to study. The more you try, the better your concentration gets. For the first few weeks you might only read a page and sit there for 2 hours. It’s frustrating, but your mind gets used to it. It’s sorta like retraining your mind, building up your stamina to study like a marathon runner prepares for a race. (Trust me, I’m in med school-I study a lot)

    Also try going to class early when there are just one or two people there. It’s easier to talk when there aren’t as many people who all know each other around.

    Actually, the first thing I thought of when you said you slept a lot, felt tired all the time and couldn’t concentrate was that those are the symptoms of depression. You don’t have to be suicidal to be depressed. For me, it was a feeling like I was a “zombie,” nothing interested or motivated me. I find that as a shy person, you tend to have less support (friend wise) in difficult times, so it’s easier to get depressed. I don’t know if shyness makes you more prone to depression. Anyway, it’s something to think about.

  3. Thanks for the advice. I’m gonna try to change some things next semester. I’m going to take a full load of classes and I was thinking of taking a martial arts class for fun. I’m gonna definitely have to try to study harder and hopefully I will get better at it the more I do it. I’ll try going to class earlier to but I’ve done that before and I still don’t have the courage to say anything to anyone. I hate how the class I’m in now is. Before class just about everyone is talking to each other but me, although most of the people in there I don’t really want to talk to. I think being depressed probably has a lot to do with me sleeping all the time. I’m always feeling depressed because I don’t have much of a life outside the computer, and that has mostly to do with shyness. So I think shyness definitely makes me more prone to become depressed.

    Anyway, hopefully next semester things will go better for me otherwise I should probably just drop out of school all together. If I can’t handle going to school full time then I’ll be taking classes forever and I don’t want to do that. Thanks for the advice again. I hope it makes things better for me next semester.

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