Many people who were once ruled by their shyness, learn how to ask for what they want, handle social situations, handle rejection, and accept themselves — then wonder “What´s next?” and question “I am no longer controlled by my shyness, why am I not now completely happy?” Learning to understand and deal with shyness is one step along a path leading to fulfillment.
It has been my experience that people who are working on their shyness are also deep seekers of the meaning of life and want to know how life works. “Why I am here?” “Why am I shy?” “Why do I not seem to attract what I want?” “How do I get what I want and need?” “Is there more to life than appears on the surface?” they wonder.
If you are at a point where shyness does not rule your life (it is fine to still be shy/sensitive as long as you are also in touch with other parts of yourself), you are ready for the next step. If you have not yet reached this point, it is fine to explore the following if you are so drawn but keep in mind that your first priority must be in learning to “put your self out there” by taking some risks as this will give you the foundation for trusting that you can understand how the subtle aspects of life really work to assist you in fulfilling your life purpose. You absolutely need the ability to take action in life in order to create fulfillment and happiness so follow the self-help ideas on the Shy and Free site and seek help in the form of therapy and coaching when you get stuck.
Life After Shyness is similar to the Zen koan:
Before enlightenment, Chop wood, carry water
After enlightenment, Chop wood, carry water
meaning that your inner experience will be completely different following enlightenment as you go about your normal activities, feelings, and experiences. Externally, things appear the same but internally your experience is very different, which will in turn result in different external experiences. Life After Shyness for many people will not mean a life without shyness, it will mean a new appreciation and sense of awe at all of life. “Ahh, this is me being shy” and “Ohhh, so this is me putting myself out there” and “Ahhh, so this is rejection” and “Ahaaaha, this is being confident.”
Perhaps you now see that focusing on getting rid of shyness is similar to focusing on enlightenment which as all the spiritual teachers tell us, is a sure way not to achieve it. Instead, focus on the moment and be Shy and Free which will lead to incredible moments of transcendence.
Many people make it very far along their journey, but give up because shyness returns. It is not the shyness which matters, but how you perceive, judge, and accept the shyness that determines how it will affect your life.