Shyness Advice Index

Here is an indexed list of links to all the shyness advice posts and comments.

Accept Shyness?
The more I try to get rid of my shyness the stronger it becomes

Anxiety
Continued action turns worry and anxiousness into self assurance
The *cure* for social anxiety has been found!

Communication
I can chat but not in person!
OK expressing feelings for someone on paper or electronically instead of in person such as love letter?
Too insecure to call him

Consciousness
Shyness and Consciousness

Dating
Blind Date: HELP!
Do you always fall in love with people you can’t get?
I’m growing and some of these layers of self dislike are peeling away
It’s never too late to find love
I’ve dealt a crushing blow to my worst, bitterly hated enemy FEAR
Shy loves Shy
The relationship feels lopsided
What if I kiss the wrong way?
Why is it so hard to just talk to someone I like!?

Definition
Do I have shyness, social anxiety, or social phobia?

Eye Contact
I have trouble with eye contact with everyone

Helping Others
How can I help my shy nephew?
What to do about a shy adult son

Hypnosis
Reprogram the subconscious mind to overcome shyness?

Introductions
Does anyone else have difficulty with introductions?

Making Friends
Everybody needs people they can relate to
Is there an easy way to approach someone or must it always be hard?
Sing for your supper
Why is it so easy for other people to develop companionship?
Would you like to dance? (ever thought of dancing as a way to be more social?)

Motivation
How can I motivate myself consistently enough to make a real difference in my life?
I feel like I’ll never make it through school at the rate I’m going – I will drop out
Look for mentors that make you challenge yourself
My head knows what to do but my heart doesn’t follow
Some improvement but still have problem with procrastinating and sleeping too much

Nice Guy
Why is being a nice guy so unattractive?

Perception of Others
How do I avoid extremely negative feedback?
I am quiet, introverted and people think I’m a snob
I cannot seem to get past the seeming coldness or indifference of strangers and acquaintances
Is shyness a lifetime sentence?
Why is it OK to ask why are you so quiet?

Quick Solutions to Shyness
A Quick Way to Overcome Shyness?

Small Talk
How do I stop feeling awkward and self-conscious with silence?
The dreaded silence…
This “small talk” business is destroying me

Virginity
I am 28 and have never had a girlfriend
When should one tell a female you are attracted to that you are still a virgin?

Why?
Is there a reason for my shyness?

Work
Advice for phone anxiety at work
Keep showing up!
I feel incompetent and helpless, but I know that I am skilled enough to perform the job

The Power of Shyness and High Sensitivity

Elaine Aron talks about the cover of Time Magazine with The Power of Shyness and High Sensitivity.

Time Magazine The Power of Shyness

To the highly sensitive persons of the world and their friends: A hearty congratulations. In a sense, we made the cover of Time -Elaine Aron

References

Aron, Elaine (2012, Feb 2). Psychology Today. “The Power of (Shyness)” and High Sensitivity. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/attending-the-undervalued-self/201202/time-magazine-the-power-shyness-and-high-sensitivity. Accessed on October 26, 2015.

Time Magazine (2012, Feb 6). Image. http://content.time.com/time/covers/0,16641,20120206,00.html. Accessed on October 26,2015.

It’s never too late to find love

ShyandFree.com is referenced on personal-development.com in the article “It’s never too late to find love” about finding a girlfriend or boyfriend.

Our reader writes, “I would love to have a girlfriend to spend time with, but I get really nervous when approaching women. I don’t know what to say or where to meet them. The years are starting to catch up to me. I wanted to have a family but I can’t seem to meet women. Do you have any suggestions?”

The article has excellent suggestions for dealing with loneliness and shyness, you can read it here.

Reference

Gallozzi,Chuck (2009,  April 21). Find a Girlfriend. http://www.personal-development.com/chuck/find-girlfriend.htm. Accessed on October 24, 2015.

 

The *cure* for social anxiety has been found!

From the Social Anxiety Support Forum (SAS):

…a few things gave me hope…Reading about the experience of a person on the website called Shy and Free http://shyandfree.com/ and how he was able to transform his shyness gave hope that change is possible. -VanDamme

Read VanDamme’s advice on social anxiety here.

Reference

Social Anxiety Support (2015, October 5). [progress update] The *cure* for social anxiety has been found! http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f9/progress-update-the-cure-for-social-anxiety-has-been-found-1617434/#post1082514098. Accessed on October 23, 2016.

Shyandfree.com is inspiring and has stories and links to every important website on shyness

From Hearts & Minds – Information for Change(SM) about ShyandFree.com

This site is great: from the principles that transform shyness, which may seem like simple facts but are indeed inspiring, to the stories that people share about their shyness and how some of them have overcome it. There are links to possibly every shy website that is important, and the book recommendations are great. – TAL

Reference

Hearts & Minds (2008, April 5). Links to Help with Shyness.  http://www.heartsandminds.org/self/links/shy.htm. Accessed on October 23, 2016.

A Quick Way to Overcome Shyness?

Please read these three paragraphs. This first paragraph discusses approaches offering fast results. The second paragraph is my quick solution to shyness. The third is what do do once you know the secret. You deserve a quick solution to your shyness. There are many books and sites offering easy, fast ways to overcome shyness, should you use them? My advice is that it is important to try things for yourself. If you think a quick approach will work for you then try it, otherwise there will always be doubt in you mind about following any other approach. You may find good advice and you may find lots of advice on how to manipulate others. My experience is that manipulation will not help find true confidence or true love. Set a time frame for when success is expected because if the ideas are true, they will work as promised. If you don’t see the expected result in the allowed time, then do not despair, instead follow a more structured plan such as the one outlined on Shyandfree.com.

You may be surprised that the Shy and Free™ site has so many pages and words. It turns out it takes many words to convey the simplest of truths. I am happy to give you the secret to transforming shyness in the next sentence. Breathe Consciously. Being aware of your breath will help you almost magically overcome fear. This powerful secret of controlling fear has been known since ancient times and can be proven by you. It is not magic because as you will see, effort is required to focus on your breath when in fear, and this for you may or may not be as easy as it sounds. Practice will show you that following your breath does work. Overcoming fear will help you transform shyness. All the other words on this site are to help you understand how best to use this secret known to warriors of all kinds. How long it takes depends on many things. It could be instant because you recognize this truth and can apply it or it could take time for you to practice breathing consciously.

As you may find, knowing the secret leads to more questions concerning beliefs and how to best use the secret of transforming shyness. While it may seem like completely focusing on overcoming shyness is the quickest path, you may find yourself trapped, not making progress, which is the reason for balance as discussed in the process for transforming shyness. Doing the same thing will keep you stuck, you need to do something new.  Your journey will turn knowledge into wisdom through action.

What to do about a shy adult son

Marguerite Kelly writes based on a question to the Washington Post advice column:

“My 20-year-old son — the youngest of three boys — is not only smart, funny, athletic and drop-dead gorgeous, but he got good grades in high school, played varsity baseball for four years and served in the student government.  However, he was, and is, desperately shy; he gets very little joy out of life and he has never had a close friend, even now that he’s a junior in college. It is as if his emotions were tied up in a straitjacket.”

Read the complete advice which includes the following:

“Terence Real’s book on depression is good, and so is the book on shyness by Antony and Swinson, but your son will probably get much more out of “The Science of Making Friends” by Elizabeth A. Laugeson. This book, which comes with its own DVD and an app, is based on the deep research the author did at UCLA, and it’s packed with specific details”

Reference

Kelly, Marguerite (2013, October 24). What to do about a shy adult son. Washington Post. Retrieved from https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/advice/what-to-do-about-a-shy-adult-son/2013/10/21/3ca4c840-3803-11e3-ae46-e4248e75c8ea_story.html

3 questions that may indicate Social Phobia

An article published on WebMD by Peter Jaret indicates that three simple questions can help you determine if you have social phobia:

  1. Does fear of embarrassment cause you to avoid doing things or speaking to people?
  2. Do you avoid activities in which you are the center of attention?
  3. Are being embarrassed or looking stupid among your worst fears?

The questions came from Jonathon Davidson, MD, professor of psychiatry at Duke University Medical Center’s Anxiety and Traumatic Stress Program.

If the answer is “Yes” for two or all three of the questions, then it is 93% likely to indicate social phobia according to Davidson.

WebMD Social Anxiety

Reference

Jaret, P. (2000, April 10). Is Shyness a Mental Disorder? Retrieved August 22, 2015, from http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/features/is-shyness-mental-disorder

 

Shyness and Self-Hatred by Joseph Burgo Ph.D.

Joseph Burgo Ph.D. discusses how shyness may be a form of avoiding the shame of rejection. Joseph says:

“Because we’re social animals, we want more than anything else to belong, to feel connected to and accepted by other people in our tribe or pack — to have friends and lovers, to be part of a family, etc. Finding ourselves rejected in the face of such longing, one of the most painful experiences we humans can know, causes us to feel shame; the earliest version of this thwarted longing to connect — failed attachment in the mother-infant relationship during the first two years of life — produces an especially severe sense of inner defect that I refer to as basic or core shame. As described in a post on my blog at Psychology Today, basic shame can thus be seen as the result of unrequited love.”

Reference

Burgo, Joseph  PhD. (2012, December 12) Shyness and Self-Hatred. After Psychotherapy. Web site. May 26, 2015. http://www.afterpsychotherapy.com/shyness-and-self-hatred/

I have trouble with eye contact with everyone

I am a really shy shy person and I have trouble with eye contact with everyone, even my parents and I don’t know what to do. What is a good way to deal with this? I’m worried because if I have a girlfriend in the future I may feel uncomfortable and it will be hard for me and she may not feel comfortable with me either. I’m also shy to dance, I never danced either. I have to many problems with myself and it has worried me too much. Tell me, will my shyness really affect my relationship with my girlfriend? How bad will it be?