The relationship feels lopsided

I need some advice from the ladies and the men out there on what I should do about my long-distance relationship. I’m 26, and I met this guy through friends about 3 months ago. He has all the qualities that I desire in a man, and there was instant chemistry–you know, fireworks! Turns out that he lives in Delaware, and I live in Pennsylvania. It might not seem like long distance to you guys, but I don’t have a car, and he does, so it would be easier for him to come and visit me. But I would take two trains to see him, but something is holding me back…

Before we started talking/dating, he was honest with me about seeing another girl, and he said that he broke things off with her to be with me because things weren’t working out between them. Now, ordinarily I wouldn’t believe that in a million years–but I trust him and believe that he did this for me–maybe I’m just being naive, you think?

My point is the relationship feels lopsided. It feels like I’m giving 100% of myself to be with him, but I don’t get any effort on his part in return. I run up my phone bill, I email him daily–and get no response because he doesn’t like to write, I even send e-cards for no reason, just to let him know that someone is thinking about him. What’s with men not liking to write letters or emails–Please explain, because if you like someone–it shouldn’t be a problem to express how you feel about that person, even in a short note or something? I’m just feeling like he doesn’t appreciate my efforts to reach out to him.

If he does communicate, he’s checking to see if I’m seeing someone else, and he reminds me how much he cares and that he wants me to wait around for him. Like a fool I do. Why? Because I care about him. I’m starting to get the feeling that he hasn’t exactly been waiting around for me though. I always tend to trust my instincts, but that makes me a paranoid person–I don’t like being or feeling that way. There’s no way that I can be sure that he’s seeing someone else because we live in different states! I just have to trust him and have faith–well, my faith is wearing thin!

How can I give this guy a “wake-up” call, and let him realize that hes about to lose me, because I’m losing interest in trying to keep this relationship together? I can’t do it by myself anymore. I’m tired mentally and physically. Should I just stop all communication with him and see how he likes to be one being ignored?

Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

1 Comment

  1. Playing games is OK as long as one is aware that it is a game they are playing. Dating is both fun game playing, and not so fun game playing.

    It is great that you met this guy and are having a relationship. Keep in mind that long distance relationships can be used to give one the illusion of a relationship (or like in my case it can be real as I met my future wife on a trip to Hungary, and we had a long distance relationship for a year before we got married).

    From what you wrote, it does seem that you are putting in all the effort. Believe me, even people who do not like to write will find the words when they are motivated enough.

    I would trust your instincts. Perhaps back off a little and see what happens. Don’t get stuck in reverse manipulation as even if this guy started to respond as you wish, it may not be from his heart.

    Have as an expectation having some fun, getting some relationship experience, and finding out if you are really compatible and feel the same about each other.

    If you don’t receive what you give, then this may point to an issue.

    I think the best wake up call would be for you to be yourself and do what you enjoy without trying to please him so much.

    We all enjoy being cared about, but this is not necessarily love.

    Love yourself first, then you will be open to receive real love.

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