Why is it so easy for other people to develop companionship?

Sometimes I just want to shrivel up and die. Because it really wouldn’t make any difference to anyone if I were here or if I were dead. I have always struggled with shyness and as I have gotten older it has been harder to make friendships. I’ve read books, smiled more, and been supportive to the few people do know, but nothing I do makes any difference. I may receive a brief message back or receive a note saying “we should get together sometime,” but nothing ever comes of it. Why is it so easy for other people to develop companionship? I feel like I’m doing something terribly wrong. I must be, or else I wouldn’t be so alone. Every day I wonder what is wrong with me and why I can’t have the type of friendships or bonds that I hear about and see everyday. I truly have tried to be positive and supportive to the people around me and it hasn’t been good enough. I don’t know what to do anymore.

1 Comment

  1. I have felt the same, wondering why it was so hard for me to make friends when it seemed so easy and natural for other people. I have felt invisible.

    I have learned that shy/sensitive people tend to have a few close friends compared to out going people who sometime have the problem of too many friends (problem in that no time for everyone including themselves).

    I have practiced some techniques which really have been effective at creating friends. One technique was calling the same person once a week, without fail. This was very difficult at first because I felt they really did not want to talk with me and felt I would run out of things to say, but I kept at it for over two months (I would write 3 things to say on a card before calling) and we became closer and then friends. If you do something for over 30 days, it can lead to a new behavior.

    I learned that at first, I had to take the initiative, I had to call, I had to follow-up. I had to deal with their uncertainty. I had to go slow. I had to suggest doing something comfortable for both of us. I HAD TO DO A LOT AT FIRST – BUT AFTER A WHILE, THE OTHER PERSON WOULD START DOING THE SAME (if a friendship is forming).

    I also noticed that there is something about really wanting something that scares it away. I think it has to do with projecting insecurity or with projecting too much need at someone, but any kind of desperation sensed will scare someone off in the friendship formation phase — after a friendship is formed, it can withstand things not tolerated before.

    I really do think that techniques, doing things differently,joining a class, group, club, and reading about how to make friends can work to help bring friendships into being.

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