Why is it so hard to just talk to someone I like!?

I’m Holly and I am very shy! Well, I’m not shy around my friends of course, but I am so shy and I always feel awkward and like I don’t belong in certain situations. I think my shyness is keeping me from so much and I hate it cuz I keep getting depressed. I mean I have so much going for me but its all blocked by my shyness. I don’t have a problem with performing, like singing, dancing, acting, cuz i actually love it for some reason. I just have trouble talking in class and talking to crushes and talking to people at parties and stuff. My main thing right now that I have been depressed over is this guy I have a crush on. I really really care about him and I have met him before, but I can’t get myself to talk to him now. I don’t know what to say and I get soo nervous. The thing is, he knows I like him and he found out from my friend calling him which is the worst way for a guy to find out. Everyday at practice he talked to his friends about how I liked him and everything. A lot of people know about it. I mean, yeah he must be at least flattered I like him to tell so many people, but now I really can’t talk to him. I know if I could just talk to him I’d be so happy. Even when he smiles at me or just looks at me I get so happy. I’ll never for get when I first met him. He always tried to make conversation and I would talk but I didn’t continue the convo very well and I regret that so much now! I should have taken advantage of that. I know if I had another chance where he tried to talk to me, I’d talk like crazy and get to know him. I really don’t know what to do so I can make myself talk to him. I mean the closest I have come to talking to him was when we were eating lunch and he was sitting in my group and I was talking and he was looking at me and listening, but thats it. I wish I could just stop liking him, but there’s something about him I just love so much. I’m also getting sick of hearing stupid comments from his friends. That’s another thing that keeps me from talking to him. His friends! grrr. I don;t even know why he’s friends with them. He’s nothing like them! aahh, why is it so hard to just talk to someone!? Does anyone one have any advice?? Thank you so much!!!
Love always,
Holly

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2 Comments

  1. Oh my goodness! I’m suffering through the exact same thing as you, Holly, and it’s really tearing me apart…

    I’ve actually made an effort to talk to this guy I like in class (well, my sort of effort is a big step for me but for those who are not shy it may not seem like much at all). I’ve “shown up” to his hockey games with my friend’s supporting me…we’ve talked but only briefly. but I can’t seem to step beyond this acquaintance level with him. it’s hard enough for me to have small talk with him, never mind actually asking him out or becoming his friend.

    I’m also confused by the way he reacts to me…he seems to feel uncomfortable around me yet he’s not really a shy person (he’s not a loud person by any stretch of the imagination either). It’s too ambiguous for me to tell – if he only seemed more interested in me my courage would grow and I’d eventually ask him out but I’m getting all these negative feelings from him that perhaps he doesn’t like me at all. It’s also I think because I personally think I am being SO obvious in showing him I am interested but in reality I don’t think he notices because it’s way too subtle.

    As a shy person all my life I’ve never really gotten to truly know someone I’ve had a crush on because I like keeping this safe distance from them. in turn I end up creating an image of them that isn’t at all reflective of how they really are. It’s a paradox because I create this wall so I can never truly find out their real feelings yet at the same time it makes me miserable. yet it is safe.

    I’m going on to my 23rd year of life and i really do want to change these patterns of deification of a desired person. it’s so much easier to exist in a dream world but unfortunately we have to come down and step on the cold earth once in a while and it hurts. Anyway, I just wanted to share what I am going through. I know how hard it is to try to get them alone and talk to them and show them that we are desirable people too that deserve a chance, but remember that if you never try all you are going to do is hang onto this person while life may be passing you by (it’s hard not to!)

  2. It is really hard when we like someone so much and feel that we just can’t talk to them.

    After falling “in love” many times with someone I really did not know, I discovered that I had imagined all kinds of wonderful things about them — all of which were in my mind.

    It seemed like I really knew them, their interests, personality, likes, and dislikes — but I was just really projecting on to them what would be ideal for me.

    I also learned that when things are right, they are right. Nothing I said or did not say mattered so much when I had a real connection with someone. In others words, when things are right, we tend to succeed despite our shyness.

    Being tongue tied can actually be charming to the right person.

    My advice would be to keep your options open. There are many other guys at school (even though you are only interested in the one now) and getting to know other guys will give you confidence, will give you more things to talk about, and overall be a very good thing to do.

    Keep up your many interests and even explore new ones. Read the school paper and attend school activities including special events. The more you take part in things, the more you will feel part of them.

    If things develop with this guy, great. If not, great — either way you will find a wonderful guy (or he will find you).

    Stay visible and part of things.

    You may find the Always have something meaningful to say (small talk and beyond.) way helpful.

    Kevin

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