You are loved for your flaws

For me, “You are loved for your flaws” was best demonstrated first in a 1985 Public TV movie Konard by Max Wright about a perfect child and again in the book “Bird by Bird” by Anne Lamott.

In the movie about the perfect child, everyone began to dislike a boy because he was perfect. Being perfect, he could not tell a lie (or bend the truth to save someone’s feelings). Being perfect was equated with being a robot and it is hard to love a robot because his perfection basically told everyone else, “I don’t need you.”

We all have strengths and weaknesses and it is the using of our strengths to help others where they may be weak that makes for a loving and compassionate world.

In the book “Bird by Bird” Anne writes “You are loved for your flaws, not your perfection.” She writes about how our quirks are what endear us to others. It is the quirks that people remember. Imagine what the world would be like if everyone were the same.

In childhood, many of us had significant others trying to change our “flaws” but we did not  easily bend to correct them. First, acceptance of you the way you are, “flaws” and all, is required and with that loving acceptance, change can occur when it is appropriate and desired.

It is important to keep in mind that the idea of perfection is different between cultures and that people’s ideas of perfection change.

Shyness to one person may signify weakness, yet to someone else mystery, charm, elusiveness, kindness, or respect.

What really is a flaw? Take laziness for example. To some people laziness may be seen as a flaw. Other people may see laziness differently: Perhaps the person is always looking for the most efficient way to do something (very valuable in the business world); Perhaps the person has learned how to get by with the least effort (and those who see him as lazy are unknowingly jealous); Perhaps the person just has different values as to what is important in life such as relaxing, and spending time with family and friends.

I am continually amazed how my wife finds “cute” things about my looks — things I (and others) consider flaws.

In this moment, we are all perfect. Yes we all have things to work on, but in this moment, we are all perfect in our imperfections.