About this Site

The ideas and principles explained on this site were successfully used by the writer during his extensive search for answers related to shyness. The greatest compliment a writer can receive is to have someone’s life positively affected by the written word which is the goal of this site.  The writer recognizes the challenge in clearly expressing thoughts of the nature on this site and trusts the reader to use their own inner guidance when searching for the truth and to seek professional help when needed. While the ideas presented here worked for the writer, it could be that they do not apply to you. This site is based on personal experience, not research.

Please read the disclaimer noting that the writer is not a health care professional.

Some of the ideas presented here may seem vague, however, working with them brings clarity.  When someone is learning to read they to not understand everything at once. Only through practice, mistakes, and successes do we learn.

Do the ideas on Shy and Free™ really work?

I believe that part of everyone knows the truth and what would really help them – but that access to the truth can be blocked by fear. It is my hope that reading the information on Shy and Free™ will resonate with what you already know to be true. It is those with the courage to try out ideas in real life (instead of trying out the idea only in the mind and rejecting it without any objective feedback) who will make the greatest strides toward their goals. Read what others say about this award winning site.

The Origins of the Shy and Free™ Site

Shyandfree.com was created during the dot.com boom when we were all trying to figure out how best to use the interconnectedness that the new found world wide web offered. I sat at the computer and created both the content and the structure of the web site at the same time. Doing so allowed me to find the best way to express the truths I had learned. I reflected on both what I had learned and on the process followed to achieve the learnings. From the beginning shyandfree.com was structured by principles, process, secret, and ways. Stories were added to tell my own as well as to share those from readers of the site. Links to other sites and useful resources have always been a part of the site.

Shyandfree.com has been online continuously since 1997 before the publishing of books by Aron and Carducci who began redefining shyness. At the time shyandfree.com was first hosted, there was only one author, Alexander Avila, who wrote The Gift of Shyness that also questioned the generally accepted view that shyness was something to overcome. He contacted me asking if it was just us two and at the time it was.  Avila’s  book was published in 2002 which is why, based on my 1997 site hosting date, it seems I was a true pioneer in expressing a different view of shyness. I had learned that what we do not accept about ourselves rules us and offered instead a way to transform shyness based on my experience.

I exchanged emails with hundreds of individuals and ran a bulletin board for a period of time communicating with hundreds more from all over the world. The communication helped others and at the same time helped me to improve the clarity of the content of this site. An advice library of email and bulletin board postings is part of the blog creating a timeless resource of questions and answers.

Check the annotated bibliography the see what influenced the  Shy and Free™ content.

Motivation Behind Shy and Free™

Schools today teach kids the importance of community service and good companies give back in the communities they serve. One motivation of Shyandfree.com is community service, a way of giving back to you through the content of this site realizing that I benefited much from the help of others. Recognition is admittedly a motivator and I feel honored that my site has been so positively received.  A future motivation is finding ways to benefit others through this portal and increasingly interconnected world.

I began writing because there was no information that matched what I had learned about shyness. All of the sites and books on shyness were about overcoming, conquering, eliminating and crushing shyness. While having felt the same originally, my journey taught me that while I thought I needed to conquer my shyness that in fact, focusing on the many other parts of my self was actually the key to change. I was surprised how many people really resonated with the content, took it to heart, and changed their lives for the better once they got the message which can be summarized in just the three words, “Shy and Free” and “Shy & Free” which are my trademarks. For those annoyed by the trademark symbol, I understand…it is needed because the content and the site name have been copied by others, therefore it is important to declare that Shy and Free™ and Shy & Free™ are three words I claim as my brand (along with the content of this site which is copyrighted.)

An early email to shyandfree.com confirmed the importance of sharing the truths I had found. A man in his sixties wrote that in all those years, he had not found a solution to his shyness. When I was in my thirties I looked into the future and realized that I would be unhappy my whole life; just like him. I resolved to do anything that came to my attention that could in any way possibly help and this journey lead to many discoveries and to the changing of my life. Sharing the truths I learned could help shorten your journey or at the very least encourage you to find your own truth.

About Me

The most frequent question asked is about my credentials. I am just a guy. If you are writing a paper or want information based on research, please review the work of Elaine N. Aron Ph.D. and Bernardo J. Carducci, Ph.D.  as these two individuals have both the credentials and personal experience from which to draw on. For psychological self-help, check out the free online book from Dr.Tucker-Ladd Ph.D. You can also check the list of experts or discover experts through your own research. Shyandfree.com has been referenced in books and academic articles. Please read the disclaimer noting that I am not a health care professional.

A Note from the Writer

I remember reading so many books on shyness, consciousness, and relationships thinking, “Yes, this author really understands me and by the time I finish this book I will be changed!”  Sometimes I  was changed and sometimes I felt disappointed.

Two things are now clear:

  1. Often I was changed but not in the way I had originally imagined
  2. Action turns knowledge and belief into reality

Change begins with examining beliefs.  The first step in change is a change in belief. Once you believe you can do something, action will turn that belief into reality.

I wish you an amazing journey and know that what you believe you bring to life.