Continued action turns worry and anxiousness into self assurance

I have been in love with someone at college for the past year, but don’t have a clue how to begin. I have been telling myself over and over to talk to her, but when I get there, I don’t. I think she is also shy and that she likes me because she often looks my way. I would be so much happier if I could just talk to her and find out if we are compatible.

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  1. It is good that you know that you would be much happier if you talked to her. It is agony being so close, yet so far. For me, I discovered not only did I fear rejection, I also feared success — what would I do then? It is important to have some understanding of what you fear.

    To deal with this situation, try this: First define a success that is within your control
    (talking to her, saying hi, etc). Know a few things to talk about and have a few ideas of what to do. Carry out the plan while being casual. Reward yourself for doing it!

    Example: You decide that talking with her would be a success. You think of a few topics of conversation and a few ideas of what to ask her. You begin a conversation with something you have in common (the college, a class, the town, the weather, etc). You talk a little about yourself and ask a few things about her. You talk for a short time, it appears to be going OK so you say: “It sure is hot, would you like to get a cold drink at the cafe?” Whatever happens, this is a success!

    It is important not to let you imagination get ahead of reality — you have observed her, noticed her, and made some assumptions. She may be as you assume, but it is possible she is completely different — so check out your assumptions with her.

    Realize that we can not control how others feel about us, we can only put ourselves out there and risk being rejected…rejection is not a bad thing, everyone experiences it and it is just a step to finding a compatible person.

    Continued action turns worry and anxiousness into self assurance.

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