I’ve dealt a crushing blow to my worst, bitterly hated enemy FEAR

Guys, I can hardly believe this. TODAY I FINALLY ASKED A WOMAN OUT! Yesterday a new co-worker joined the company I work on: a young, average-looking woman, she was assigned to some task I have to supervise so we spend a lot of time together. With undescribable anxiety and embarrassment I asked her if she wanted to go with me to have lunch. She politely replied she wasn’t used to eat at that time of the day, but thanked me anyway for the invitation. What a moment! I was so relieved! Nothing is worse than the regret for the lost opportunities, and this time I could say to myself “Well done, man!” instead of the usual “See, you’ve let slip another opportunity. You’re certainly the most pathetic loser who ever lived and will never get a woman. You’ll lead a lonely, miserable life and die a bitter old man.”. I’ve dealt a crushing blow to my worst, bitterly hated enemy: FEAR. Now I know it is vulnerable and its hold on me is loosen; the shy part of myself knows WHO is in command. However, my “inner critic” had something to say about this: “So you finally had the guts to invite a woman? Big deal! You didn’t get the date, why are you so happy? Besides you have little merit: your boss did all the work by hiring her, assigning her to your area and introduce her to you. I bet you’ll NEVER be able to introduce YOURSELF to a STRANGER and ASK her for a date”. I have to admit that the perspective of approaching an unknown beauty in the streets saying “Hi, my name’s Ernest. You have the most breathtaking eyes. What about a coffee?” still kind of frightens me. So that will be my next goal. I have a question to all of you who have experienced this situation (asking a woman out for the first time): how did you feel? I feel fine now, rejection appears to have done little hurt on me, partly because I was not very much interested in getting the girl, I just wanted to overcome FEAR and I did it. I hope to achieve many more victories in my personal, all-out war against it. Thanks for reading this, and again, thanks, Kevin for a wonderful site.Ernest


  1. Congratulations, Ernest! That took a lot of courage! Courage is action in the face of fear. I know. I was shy for 40 years. I have been working on myself now for 11 years and have made amazing progress. I don’t think I am shy anymore at all. My boss said that sometimes he thinks I’m shy when I don’t know what to say. I said there’s a difference now that wasn’t there before. I used to feel I didn’t deserve to say anything even if I had something to say, but that’s not true anymore. You are making great progress and you’re acknowledging yourself for it! And you’re not putting yourself down because she didn’t say yes. That’s something that’s out of your control. You CAN control how you react and you did. Great job! You just took one more step to releasing your shyness.

  2. WAY TO GO EARNEST! It seems odd, but true that one feels OK after being turned down — sometimes even energized. Perhaps it is because deep down we know that we can’t control how someone feels about us (just as we can’t really control how we feel) and we did what we could do and that an invitation extended to someone who shares our interests will be accepted in the future(we just can’t control when or with whom).I have even felt energized when being turned down by someone I really, really wanted to get to know. Sure, I may get down on myself too. It is important to develop and listen to the compassionate and nurturing parts of ourselves to help deal with the critical, judging voices.

    You will have to experience approaching an unknown beauty in the streets saying “Hi, my name’s Ernest. You have the most breathtaking eyes. What about a coffee?” to see what it feels like and the reaction you get.

    For many, this type of approach seems good (works in the movies) yet often has the effect of pushing someone away. The “Communicate with Impact” way will give you your best chance when you wish to make a real connection with someone.

    Great going Earnest You proved that you have the courage to overcome your fears.

  3. Kevin – You give good advice on this one – kind of makes me think “What’s the big deal in trying something new?” Just say something and see what happens.

  4. Ernest, that’s great! I really like your positive attitude. Even though you didn’t get the date, but you gave it a shot. To me, that’s worth a lot. In my experience, if I just stand back being passive and say nothing, afterwards I would be mad at my self for not taking any action.

  5. Thank you very much for your encouraging comments, you people are the kind of persons I always wanted to be my friends and feel quite safe and comfortable talking to you about my personal quest.Kevin:

    What do you mean when you say “Communicate with Impact”? It has something to do with impressing someone in a powerful, positive way? How can this goal be achieved?

    Thanks in advance

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