Shy loves Shy

Is it possible that two shy people can have a relationship together? I’m just curious because my friends don’t think that the relationship could last, because the personalities would be the same.

I mean, someone has to be the aggressor in the relationship. So how is that possible with two shy people? Does anyone know what I mean? A shy relationship goes against the saying ‘opposites attract.’What do you guys think?

Michelle 03-16-2001


  1. In my experience I have more problems dating people that are more out going than I am. Dating someone that I can relate to and knows how I feel would help better the relationship. I would rather date someone just as shy as me, just my opinion.

  2. In the very good book “Getting the Love You Want : A Guide for Couples” by Harville Hendrix a related topic is explored. Hendrix explains that there are two types of people: fusers and isolators.

    Fusers need to be around others and feel part of a group. They get their energy from being around others.

    Isolators need time alone. They get their energy from within.

    The interesting thing is that when two fusers get together, one will take on the role of an isolator. When two isolators get together, one will take on the role of a fuser.

    So, if two shy people get together, most likely one of them will become less shy. Hopefully both will have compassion for the other’s shyness but it also could be difficult to accept shyness in someone else when one has not accepted it in themselves.

  3. I’m not sure I buy into the whole “opposites attract” concept… my experience has been “Opposites may attract, but similarities are the glue that keep us together.” Those “cute” little differences have a way of becoming points of argument down the road. Kevin suggested some good reading; you might also take a look at “Will our Love Last” by Samuel Hamburg– has some very good common-sense advice about relationships and compatibility.


  4. I tend to agree with what Kevin posted about the fusers / isolators. From my personal experience when I’m with another person who is just as shy or more shy than myself, i become uncomfortable. i know in my rational mind that this person must be shy to be acting the way they do…yet i still may feel uneasy in their presence wondering “are they really shy or do they just not want to talk to me?”

    So, although I can completely empathize with shyness, it may be hard for me to form any sort of bond with this other shy person because our shyness becomes a barrier.

    Nevertheless on the other hand, someone who is totally the opposite of me (outgoing, outspoken etc.) may also make me uncomfortable, and they may have a hard time understanding me. but from what I’ve found i usually need someone who is moderately outgoing to get me out of my shell. i guess the point is the world isn’t split into a dichotomy of either introvert or extrovert…it’s more of a continuum (not to mention how we may act differently in different situations) we tend to be friends with or have relationships with those who we feel comfortable with, so it’ll be different for every person.

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