Shyness and Self-Hatred by Joseph Burgo Ph.D.

Joseph Burgo Ph.D. discusses how shyness may be a form of avoiding the shame of rejection. Joseph says:

“Because we’re social animals, we want more than anything else to belong, to feel connected to and accepted by other people in our tribe or pack — to have friends and lovers, to be part of a family, etc. Finding ourselves rejected in the face of such longing, one of the most painful experiences we humans can know, causes us to feel shame; the earliest version of this thwarted longing to connect — failed attachment in the mother-infant relationship during the first two years of life — produces an especially severe sense of inner defect that I refer to as basic or core shame. As described in a post on my blog at Psychology Today, basic shame can thus be seen as the result of unrequited love.”


Burgo, Joseph  PhD. (2012, December 12) Shyness and Self-Hatred. After Psychotherapy. Web site. May 26, 2015.