Shyness Advice Summary List and Frequently Asked Questions FAQ

Here is an indexed list of links to all the shyness advice posts and comments which makes up the FAQ

Please read the disclaimer noting that this advice is not from health care professionals.

Accept Shyness?

The more I try to get rid of my shyness the stronger it becomes


Continued action turns worry and anxiousness into self assurance
The *cure* for social anxiety has been found!


I can chat but not in person!
OK expressing feelings for someone on paper or electronically instead of in person such as love letter?
Too insecure to call him


Shyness and Consciousness


Blind Date: HELP!
Do you always fall in love with people you can’t get?
I’m growing and some of these layers of self dislike are peeling away
It’s never too late to find love
I’ve dealt a crushing blow to my worst, bitterly hated enemy FEAR
Shy loves Shy
The relationship feels lopsided
What if I kiss the wrong way?
Why is it so hard to just talk to someone I like!?


Do I have shyness, social anxiety, or social phobia?

Eye Contact

I have trouble with eye contact with everyone

Helping Others

How can I help my shy nephew?
What to do about a shy adult son


Reprogram the subconscious mind to overcome shyness?


Does anyone else have difficulty with introductions?

Making Friends

Everybody needs people they can relate to
Is there an easy way to approach someone or must it always be hard?
Sing for your supper
Why is it so easy for other people to develop companionship?
Would you like to dance? (ever thought of dancing as a way to be more social?)


How can I motivate myself consistently enough to make a real difference in my life?
I feel like I’ll never make it through school at the rate I’m going – I will drop out
Look for mentors that make you challenge yourself
My head knows what to do but my heart doesn’t follow
Some improvement but still have problem with procrastinating and sleeping too much

Nice Guy

Why is being a nice guy so unattractive?

Perception of Others

How do I avoid extremely negative feedback?
I am quiet, introverted and people think I’m a snob
I cannot seem to get past the seeming coldness or indifference of strangers and acquaintances
Is shyness a lifetime sentence?
Why is it OK to ask why are you so quiet?

Public Speaking

How to overcome the fear of public speaking?

Quick Solutions to Shyness

A Quick Way to Overcome Shyness?

Small Talk

How do I stop feeling awkward and self-conscious with silence?
The dreaded silence…
This “small talk” business is destroying me


I am 28 and have never had a girlfriend

What about sex and being a virgin?

When should one tell a female you are attracted to that you are still a virgin?


Is there a reason for my shyness?


Advice for phone anxiety at work
Keep showing up!
I feel incompetent and helpless, but I know that I am skilled enough to perform the job

Welcome to the Shy and Free™ Shyness Blog

Welcome to the positive shyness blog. Many people may benefit from your shared success stories, realizations and insights. You are invited to email ShyandFree with stories or questions you would like to share. As long as they are related to the topic of shyness, you can expect the post and response posted to this blog.

Email Kevin at:

transform123[REMOVE THIS TEXT]

[REMOVE THIS TEXT] is not part of the email address, it is there to confuse the robots.

Posts and comments from Timelessguy and Timelessgal are from ShyandFree’s original bulletin board and form the shyness advice library. This site is not run by therapists or mental health professionals. Please read the full disclaimer.

Dr. Alex Avila PhD – Author, Educator, Researcher & Media Personality

A respected educator, researcher, and author, Dr. Avila is also a popular media personality. The Gift of Shyness, Lovetypes: Discover Your Romantic Style And Find Your Soul Mate, The 3 Secrets of Happiness: Forever Joy Can Be Yours and GuyTypes: 4 Ways to Find the Love of Your Life are books written by Alexander Avila.

Dr. Avila is the creator and host of an innovative weekly radio program called Love University–in which he brings the science of relationships and success to the airwaves—helping listeners to love themselves and their significant others, as well as to find their higher meaning or purpose in life.

Visit Dr. Alex Avila’s web site at

Shyness Experts

Shyness Experts (external links from this site)

Dr. Carducci PhD Shyness Research Institute
Dr. Alex Avila PhD Author, Educator & Researcher
Dr. Renée Gilbert PhD Shake Your Shyness
Dr. Henderson PhD The Shyness Institute
Dr. Elaine Aron PhD Highly Sensitive Person
Susan Cain Quiet: The Power of Introverts
Dr. Tucker-Ladd PhD Psychological Self-Help

Dealing with Loneliness and Shyness (Harvard)

It is always good to get the advice of a respected expert from an article, a book, or in person.

A great place for people to go and think about things in ways that may help them get unstuck

While this award winning personal growth site could be for anyone, it is described as a site for people who have already worked on their shyness (be it in the form of social anxiety, insecurity or quietness). While it includes references to more traditional resources and a wonderful annotated bibliography, the site describes it’s content as being based on “direct experience [that] is not from any particular philosophy, psychology, religion, or spirituality.” It’s a great place for people to go and think about things in ways that may help them get unstuck.

Renée Gilbert, Ph.D. at

A light in the darkness – a kind, compassionate, understanding space for shy and sensitive people

I have just today come across your beautiful website. I am only a few pages in, but I felt compelled to write you and thank you for putting together such a kind, compassionate, understanding space for shy and sensitive people.

I have been having a hard time lately with loneliness and feelings of inadequacy about my social life. Things are by no means terrible, but I have felt deeply that there is so much more connection I would like to experience in life. It’s been very challenging to remember to be compassionate toward myself and to not view my shyness as a flaw that I must conquer and eradicate. Reading your writing has really reminded me of that, and has really touched my heart.

Thank you for being a light in the darkness. It means so much.

C.S.  January 5, 2018

Loneliness and Shyness

The following articles show that loneliness and shyness are related and that both affect a significant percentage of people worldwide in their personal and work lives. Technology and affluence instead of offering solutions, appear to be contributing to the problem. Clicking on the links under references will take you to their sites and provide some advice for dealing with loneliness and shyness.

According to the 2014-2017 US Surgeon General Vice Admiral Vivek H. Murthy:

“We live in the most technologically connected age in the history of civilization, yet rates of loneliness have doubled since the 1980s. Today, over 40% of adults in America report feeling lonely, and research suggests that the real number may well be higher. Additionally, the number of people who report having a close confidante in their lives has been declining over the past few decades.”

According to  Steve Bressert, Ph.D. :

40 to 60% of adults report being currently shy. Technology and affluence may increase the level of shyness in our culture, explained in terms of greater social isolation, less practice in face-to-face conversations, and avoidance of awkward, unfamiliar, and spontaneous interactions.

According to Saif Farooqi P.h.D.:

Loneliness and shyness have been found to be associated with each other. An individual with loneliness is likely to suffer from shyness or social anxiety; likewise, an individual with shyness or social anxiety is very likely to experience loneliness.

Saif says:

Loneliness and shyness are serious issues that are quite often ignored. Both can be dealt with if individuals having these problems consciously make some minor, yet significant, alterations in their behavior and thought processes. It also becomes a lot easier for lonely and shy individuals if others, in their surroundings, are more aware, caring, and accepting about such issues, and do not see it as something that is trivial.


Bressert, S. (2016). Facts About Shyness. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 28, 2017, from

Farooqi, Saif. (2015, October 22). DEALING WITH LONELINESS AND SHYNESS. Life And Psychology. Retrieved on October 29, 2017, from

Murthy, Vivek.  (2017 September). H. WORK AND THE LONELINESS EPIDEMIC. Reducing isolation at work is good for business. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved on October 29, 2017, from

Why we should celebrate shyness: Shrinking Violets a book by the cultural historian Joe Moran

“Shrinking Violets” a book by the cultural historian Joe Moran, which explores shyness in politics, literature and psychology.

From Agatha Christie and Charles Darwin to Keira Knightley, Francoise Hardy and Morrissey, the socially awkward and anxious have changed the world for the better. Have we forgotten the benefits of being shy?

How could someone so successful still be so insecure? This is the paradox at the heart of a new book, Shrinking Violets, by the cultural historian Joe Moran, which explores shyness in politics, literature and psychology. Shyness may seem a trivial matter to those who aren’t afflicted, but as Moran points out, these feelings can even be a matter of life and death.

“One of the mistakes you can make when you are shy is to think that you are very unusual in the way you are interacting with people – but some of these problems are universal.” With Moran as its reluctant, mild-mannered cheerleader, the Shy Pride movement may have just been born.


Robson, David.(2016, August 31). Why we should celebrate shyness. BBC.Com. Accessed on September 18, 2016.

My Monster or Yours? A Journey about finding meaning and true love

The work in progress book “My Monster or Yours?” is a  journey about finding meaning and true love. Following the ideas of others helped but at some point I was on my own. An idea came to mind that I tried out and it worked. It seemed absurd but I had nothing to loose.

Join me in my new book as I share in fiction form what happened. You may not believe it. Reading about my inner discovery may help you or it may disturb you, there is no way to know.

I look forward to your feedback as this wattpad book.