What if I kiss the wrong way?

I am 19 yrs. old I am very shy girl I want so much to not be shy I feel like it’s taking over my life that I cannot function in life. I have hardly any friends I have hard time meeting people because I am so shy. I want to be in relationship so bad with a guy I just cannot seem to find any guys that I like and I am too shy to talk to any guys the only way I talk to them is if they talk with me I have only had 4 boyfriends in my life. I broke up with those boys I went out with because I was too shy.

I want so much to be in relationship but one thing that stops me is I am afraid that if I am in relationship with a guy I am going to wind up do something wrong that will mess up are relationship. One thing I am afraid of is French kissing a guy the wrong way I don’t even know if there’s a wrong way of kissing put I worry so much that I will do it wrong. I never had a problem kissing a guy just on the lips put Frenching a guy is what I am so worried about.

Also about making out with a guy that I will do be too nervous to do anything. I also worry a lot about other people and what they think and I know I shouldn’t do that I am just not sure how to stop being like that.

I am so glad I found your web page it feels good to know I am not the only shy person. I think your web page is going to help me get through this I am really going to try and get through this I really want too. I hope you understand me about everything I have just said I was hoping maybe you could give me some advice on my problems. What I can try doing not to feel like this. I really don’t want to be like this anymore. I want more than anything then to be able to get out there and meet people and get in relationship with someone I care a lot about and that cares about me. It’s just I am so shy and I don’t know what to do.



  1. Thanks for writing. It is important to recognize the positive … you have had 4 boyfriends … do you know that many shy people wish they could say that? You indicate concern about French kissing and doing things wrong. When you feel comfortable and can trust someone, you will not worry so much. Remember not to do anything you are not comfortable with yourself. Being comfortable with someone takes time; there is no need to rush. French kissing is one of those things that some people enjoy, and others do not, so don’t put any pressure on yourself about kissing a certain way. When you trust someone, there are no wrong ways to kiss. Trust yourself to know what is right for you.

    You may want to join a club, a class, or some group that meets on a regular basis so that you will have a chance to meet new people in a relaxed environment. Do something you are interested in, would like to learn, and/or something fun.

    You mentioned that shyness is taking over your life and that you cannot function … your health and happiness is important so do not hesitate to talk with a counselor, family, friend, or therapist — many people would be happy to help. I have been in therapy myself and found it to be wonderful – like talking with a best friend that really wanted to help and guide me.

    I am not a therapist or counselor, just someone who is shy and someone who has explored many options for feeling good about myself and creating happiness.

    I know that you can create happiness.

  2. I just want to tell you thank you so much for taking the time to answer my question. I was kinda nervous about asking and I was kinda worried about what you would think and if you would answer me back. I am glad now that I did though because it helped a lot to have my questions answered. Thanks,

  3. I don’t think that there is a wrong way to French kiss. I used to worry about that to, but the girl I did it with initiated it and I just kinda went along and she said I did fine. I had no clue! I have the same problem with making out with girls. I am to afraid to make a move or anything and I worry about every little thing. In fact a girl just left me for another guy and I think that was part of the reason. She blamed me for not letting her know how I felt. She was the closest I’ve come to having a serious girlfriend, and she really hurt me leaving me for another guy.

    I hate being shy.

  4. Dating and finding someone who is compatible and truly understands us is difficult enough for anyone, but is that much more challenging for the highly sensitive and shy person. When you are with the right person, all if not most of your fears about kissing disappear. A lot of what is holding you back in these situations is fear of trusting another and reluctance to be completely yourself. Your true self–the part of you that you don’t show too easily to others, has no fear of kissing and loving. So what I guess I’m trying to say is……it’s an unavoidable fact for us shy sensitive ones, that we are going to have to be so very selective about whom we date and get to know. That is more important than the kissing or anything else. It’s taken me a very long time to accept this simple truth. In fact, I was still fighting it and insisting upon *easy normalcy* until a couple of weeks ago when I found this site and then read the book The Highly Sensitive Person, by Elaine Aron. The first step is acceptance of reality: We are wonderfully different—“exquisitely sensitive” as someone recently put it. And with this wonderful gift come some difficulties that seem like burdens when we don’t look at our beautiful qualities.

  5. That is exactly the way I feel. I need to meet someone that is shy or somewhat shy like me. I would never be comfortable around a girl that has been out with a lot of guys, or one that is real outgoing, and it doesn’t seem like there are many girls that fit that type. That makes it even harder for me to meet someone. I felt that the girl that just broke up with me was perfect for me. I really felt comfortable around her, and that is making it very hard for me to deal with losing her because I feel that I won’t ever meet anyone quite like her.

  6. I know it is little comfort now… you will find compatible partners. You may even be surprised at who is attracted to you and who you can be attracted to. I found my heart-mate after many years who is sensitive, caring, intelligent, and loves meeting new people and going to/having parties. I am less social — the combination of the two of us is perfect.

    Before finding my partner, I too felt, in over five instances, that I had met the perfect person or had the perfect opportunity — but messed it up. I also felt the I would never have the same or similar chance again.

    What I know now is that all these “mistakes” were part of my path — my learning which lead me in the right direction.

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