Shyness Self-Help How-To

Welcome to Transforming Shyness!

Congratulations on choosing to do something about your shyness. Perhaps it is no coincidence that you have arrived here today. Shy and Free™  pioneered transforming shyness founded on personal truth, uncovering timeless wisdom. You deserve to feel good about yourself and to realize that you are more than your shyness.

You may want to take a moment and read this introduction to see how Shy and Free™ relates to your journey. Beliefs are explored and action is encouraged.

Shyness Self-Help

About You

Does it seem that you have tried everything to overcome shyness?  This could be because the solution to your shyness may not be what you expect.

Do people think you are a snob? Do you have trouble striking up a conversation and with small talk? Do you feel awkward and uncomfortable with silence?

Are you quiet and introverted? Do you always fall in love with people you can’t get – to the point of obsession?

Are you so nice that you become unattractive to others? Do you have trouble making eye contact?

Are you lonely? Are you insecure? Are you filled with fear?

Do you know why are you shy? You may discover that shyness is guiding you to someone and some things more wonderful than you can imagine. You may find that you are destined for deeper understanding, meaningful work, and mutually compassionate and loving relationships.

You are shy and need to learn and graduate from college.

You are shy and need to work or make other meaningful contributions.

You are shy and need to have meaningful relationships.

My Transformation

Imagine going from someone too shy to purchase a book on shyness because I feared what the clerk at the counter would think; too shy to have a successful job interview; too shy to ask for someone’s phone number; too shy to attend social activities; too shy to go on dates — to someone who looks others in the eye; finds rewarding, interesting and creative work; travels internationally; finds their partner in life; finds happiness and joy in the world; and even speaks to large groups of people on occasion.

I began writing because there was no information that matched what I had learned about shyness. All of the sites and books on shyness were about overcoming, conquering, eliminating and crushing shyness. While having felt the same originally, my journey taught me that while I thought I needed to conquer my shyness that in fact, focusing on the many other parts of my self was actually the key to change. I was surprised how many people really resonated with the content, took it to heart, and changed their lives for the better once they got the message which can be summarized in just the three words, “Shy and Free” which is my trademark.

For those annoyed by the trademark symbol, I understand and apologize… it is needed because this original content has been copied by others, therefore it is important to declare that Shy and Free™ are three words I claim as my brand (along with this content which is copyrighted.)

I have found truth, once discovered and experienced, to be simple, powerful, universal and transformational.

Readers Say:

“Beautifully written with a passion that I could really feel.”

“I’ve found this concept revolutionary in my journey.”

“Your complete understanding of what it is that causes the limitation and deep understanding of how to overcome it is pure brilliance and amazing. Your way of way explaining and stressing particular points is also excellent. I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart because I have learned life skills that were amazing and that majority of the population don’t understand.”

Shyness can be Transformed
Look Up and Begin Transforming Shyness

What is Holding You Back from Dealing with Shyness?

What is keeping you from finding happiness and wholeness?  Sometimes we hold on to beliefs that are self-destructive for which we are not even aware.  The first section on the Principles that Transform Shyness may question some of those beliefs that are holding you back.

Should You Check Other Shyness Sites, Books, or Videos?

Shy and Free™ has always been dedicated to providing original, personal content and links to the best resources. Check any site, blog, book, or video that you come across that may help with shyness.

Early on I learned the importance of integrity. If one receives a fee or other benefit from a reference to a book or site, objectivity is compromised which is why Shy and Free™ links only to leading authorities and experts, typically those doing Ph. D. research. While this site does earn a small commission on books and advertisements, any direct recommendation is based on personal experience.  Advertisements and groupings of books of a general nature may be of interest and you are urged to always investigate the intention of the author and what others say about their work. Even the judgment of those with good intentions can be clouded when money is involved.

In the end you will find that tricks, tips, or hacks are useful and may help in the short term but that the lasting solution to transforming shyness is rooted in wisdom that transcends time and format.

Select from a Top Rated and Reviewed Shyness Site


Dr. Carducci PhD Shyness Research Institute
Dr. Alex Avila PhD Author, Educator & Researcher
Dr. Renée Gilbert PhD Shake Your Shyness
Dr. Henderson PhD The Shyness Institute
Dr. Elaine Aron PhD Highly Sensitive Person
Susan Cain Quiet: The Power of Introverts
Dr. Tucker-Ladd PhD Psychological Self-Help
PsychCentral Community Bulletin Boards
Psychology Today on Shyness
Personality Test Site
Dealing with Loneliness and Shyness (Harvard)

Shyness Truth in Humor

Best stated by author, humorist and radio personality Garrison Keillor in the article titled “Shy folks, unite! And, don’t feel so woebegone“:

Hundreds of thousands of our shy brothers and sisters … are victimized every year by self-help programs that promise to “cure” shyness through hand-buzzer treatments, shout training, spicy diets, silence-aversion therapy and every other gimmick in the book. Many of them claim to have “overcome” their shyness, but the sad fact is they are afraid to say otherwise.

Shy and Free™ is Different, it is Action Oriented

Shy and Free™ is action oriented and strikes a balance between rejecting and accepting shyness. Having explored both extremes, Shy and Free™ offers a way for you to question some of your current beliefs through your own personal experiences.

How to Use the Excellent Shy and Free™ Site

The Shy and Free™ site is divided into seven areas: Home (this page), Principles, Process, Secret, Ways, Stories, and Resources.  Click on the corresponding menus at the top of each page to navigate to the desired area. Any text is a different color is a link which will take you to additional information when clicked.  For information about the site, author and awards, click on the About menu. Clicking on the Shyness Book Store will take you to a wonderfully comprehensive book store relating to shyness. Clicking on the Resources menu will reveal some of the sources that influenced this site and assisted in the author’s transformation. Advice can be found in the form of frequently asked questions (FAQ) based on interaction with many people with similar issues or problems.

One way to approach this site is by reading the first three areas: Principles that Transform Shyness,  A Process of Understanding Shyness, and the Secret of Transforming Shyness,  then explore the Ways that Transform Shyness, Stories, and Resources.

Another approach is story based. First read the true story Center of Attention which shows that we cannot expect to be like everyone else, we are different and this is helpful to know.  Next read the true experience of getting employment once out of college called Job Interview Quiver which demonstrates that shyness can be an inner guide, directing you to true happiness. Hopefully these two stories will inspire you to check other areas of the site. If you want to know the foundation of the ideas presented here, read the story The Slide which while metaphorical, is based on a real experience that helped me understand the true nature of my shyness and inspired the creation of this site.

Alternatively, go to the area where you are most drawn. No matter the page you land on, consider not just understanding the content but how you could apply the information, what action could you take to turn this knowledge into wisdom.

If you are not sure reading this site is worth your time, check out reviews from readers and members of the Shy and Free™ site.


Realize that you are responsible for what you do with the information on this site.  Also understand that this site is positive and life affirming. This site is not run by therapists or mental health professionals. Please read the full Disclaimer.


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Principles –>